Wednesday, July 2, 2008

The OMG Grossest Post Ever....

aka "Why Cloth Diapers Rock and Sposies Suck" post.

So last night I had one of the nastiest experiences of my mothering life. Doug was working on the deck (as usual) and I popped outside for a few minutes to offer my opinions. Sean was watching Ice Age for the millionth time and Aidan was probably bothering him or on the computer.

As I open the door to come in, Aidan is rushing towards me, with his friend T that stopped by to play, and says "Seanie's poopy and he took his diaper off! He's on the stairs."

"Oh no!" says I, as I rush to find out where Mr Poopy is. What I encountered is a nightmare that stops me in my tracks. Sean has half way up the stairs, naked, with poop covered hands, feet and belly. I carefully made my way up to him, careful not to step in the trail leading to him, and carry him at arm's length to the upstairs tub. Sean, so proud, says "Uh oh! Poo Poo?"

Oh yes, uh oh is right! I stand him in the tub and rinse/scrub the mess off of him. Then I scrub out the tub & fill it with clean soapy bath water. This boy's gonna need some soak time to get the stink off.

Meanwhile, I fill up a bucket with Pine Sol and water, grab a rag and start scrubbing the trail to where I found him. I couldn't tell if he took it off upstairs then went down or downstairs then went up. Nevertheless, every stair got a scrubbing. Once I got to the mid staircase landing I saw the horrible truth. There lie the disposable diaper.

But wait! Where's the poo? It had skid marks but no pile? I carried it up to the trash, changed the water and went back for more. As I was descending the stairs I found the missing pile.

No, not on the stairs.
No, not on the landing.
There it was! Stuck like a flying poop bomb on the sheer curtain on the balcony door!


I held the bucket below it, flipped it loose with the rag & plop it went into my Pine Sol solution.

Back up the stairs and flushed down the potty.

Sean is happily playing in the tub, amazingly (and probably because he is darn smart enough to know that Momma ain't happy) he isn't dumping cupfuls of water out of the tub.

I get another bucket of clean water & Pine Sol and head back down to remove the curtain & finish scrubbing the lower half of the stairs. As I get to the bottom, Doug comes in to see what is going on. I tell him what happened and say, "There, I think I got it all. Can you run this curtain back to the washer and bring me a clean CLOTH diaper to put on Sean. I'm ready to get him out of the tub."

He said, "You want to know something funny??????"

"I put the sposie on him because I figured he was going to poop soon and it would be easier to clean up."

No, it wasn't easier.

You see, Sean can remove clothes and sposies in 1 minute flat. The cloth diapers I use are a whole 'nother story. He can't unsnap those suckers now matter how hard he tries! That's why I switched our entire cloth stash to Side Snapping Blueberry Diapers. Worth every penny! And I would much rather flip a turd from a cloth diaper into a potty & flush it than scrub a child, a staircase and a curtain. Thankyouverymuch.

After his brilliant words of irony, Doug said, "Huh, looks like he got the tv too." Sure enough, Mr Poopy Artist smeared every inch of the flat screen with his lovely paint. I told Doug he could join in the fun and handle the clean up on that one himself.

Once everything was clean and the boy was safely contained in cloth and jammies, Doug mentioned that it still smelled a bit.

I think all the Pine Sol maybe made the house smell like a bear pooped in the forest.


Anonymous said...

Sean sure know how to get you moving. Good thing he doesn't do that at my house. Love to all Nana

jane said...

oh. my. I am LOL here!! Thank goodness for side snaps!!! I found Ian "painting" one time, but he didn't cover near as much ground as Sean did ;)
Thinking of you guys!

JennyH said...

I hear ya!! Max was a huge poop painter!! Everyday he would get it done. Thank God for steam vacs!! Max liked to walk through it as well and leave nice little footprints all over the place. The walls and carpet were his canvas for a LONG time.

Yay, it is so gross!!

Kim said...

Whoa! That's all I have to say. Hope that doesn't happen again for a long, long time. I'm feeling a little nervouse that our cloth dipes are velcro closures. I hope I never regret not getting the snaps!